The Photograph

I was going through old pictures in search of the ones I took of my niece Hazel on her first visit to  El Dorado Hills when a sealed photo envelop caught my attention.  The envelop looked as if it has not been opened ever.  It made me very curious and so I took a break from looking for Hazel's pictures and decided to investigate this mysterious envelop.  It turned out that it is the one that contained all the pictures taken during my mother's funeral.  I remember I had the film developed and printed at Costco right after coming back from the Philippines in May of 1998; but who took those pictures is now beyond my recollection. It must  have been my cousin Eddie because I appear in those pictures.  And yes, that envelop was sealed on purpose.  I did not really liked looking at the photographs - it was too painful.  At that time as if a time would never come when I would look at them again.  

That time came.  However, seeing the photographs again brought me back to that time with a different view.  There remains an empty space in my heart but no longer do I grieve.  Experiences with my mother were no longer renewed but memory of the short time we've shared is very much alive even after 20 years.   The thought of her still make me feel like a child being loved  by her but now I've also come to experience the life of a mother - which is among the happiest part of my life to this day.  In other words, I am no longer the same person.  Although the photographs remained the same, I have changed.

One picture in particular struck me.  It is a picture of my mother. She looks so beautiful.  Pearl earrings gave a sparkle on her face as if she's ready for something special.  A white veil that covered part of her face made her look like a bride.  A bride ready to meet the one she loves.  It makes me sad that her eyes are closed. And yet something inside me feels glad that she no longer is focused on this world.  In that picture, her eyes are already fully dedicated to the sight of her Lord. In fact all her senses, all of her is now with her God.  Oh my Lord God,  I hope you found her in her best when she came home to you.

The Elusive Wedding Gown
(A quick sketch)

During her living years, she never had the opportunity to wear a wedding gown.  At eighteen, she was pregnant with me.  And the usual prenuptial talk between parents of the future bride and the future groom were undertaken, but in the process, her father in his best judgement knew that it would be better for his daughter to remain unmarried in spite of the scandalous situation she was in.  He was convinced that it would be less painful to bear the shame than for his daughter to be stuck with the Laquindanum family.  To make the story short, he did not approve of the marriage.  I was born out of wedlock, my grandfather and grandmother would raise me and protect me from being seen or seeing him for as long as they have lived.  At age thirty, my mother got married to Rodolfo, my step-father who I never learned how to address, but the wedding was  a simple one that she did not wear a traditional wedding gown.

Once we die it's game over.  Whatever is done after that no longer have any effect on our eternal destination or position.  Hence the last outfit my mother wore had no consequence on her final journey.  But to me, who is yet to make choices and decisions on this side of my life, seeing her photograph impacts the way I see life.  Once my mother brought shame to her parents but in the end she was the one child who made the right choice to live a godly life.  Memories of that life nudges me to look at my own and see how I am preparing myself to meet my Lord.

~~~~~~~

Ireland 2013: Newgrange and Hill of Tara

This is the facade of the prehistoric monument - Newgrange.  It is believed to have been built in 3200 B.C.   According to our tour guide, the number of visitors per year is being regulated by the government and that eventually - maybe fifty years from now, the place will not be open to the public. 

The surrounding area is very beautiful and seemingly agriculturally productive with the River Boyne on one side.  

From the visitor center, we crossed a bridge that leads to the other side of the river.  From there, a bus took us right next to Newgrange.

Around the major structure are several large stones erected.  No one knows what they were for but they are interesting to some.  

An Irish countryside...

Tourists

 

Part of the tour was a visit to the Hill of Tara.  There is practically nothing to see there except a chapel. However, we were led to the hill where we had to walk through a sheep-dung studded field to go see where a tour guide gave us the history of the place.  The only visible monument so far (pending excavation and development) is the Rock of Destiny and the Mound of Hostages (which is more like a little Newgrange). With the history that goes with this place, I believe that decades from now, the place will become a full-fledged tourist attraction.  

The graveyard next to the chapel.

And every tour must end up in a Cafe, a gift shop, or an ice cream shop.  

The third day of our trip.

MJMJ

Jen throws the ball!

While waiting for Mom and Johnnye to arrive, we were all outside enjoying the great California weather. 

Enjoying ribs together. 

Maya: Where do ribs come from?

Miriam:  From pigs.

Maya:  Did the pig die?

Miriam:  Yes.

Maya:  Hmmm.  It's yummy!

Maya and Jason: Cute kids!

To explain the expressions on their faces, Jason just fell off Maya's back when I took this picture.  

Jason and Mark also like Brahms' present.

Brahms got a T-shirt from Paul and Pam.  Written on the shirt was this phrase: "Keep Calm. Have Some Pie".  Even Jason though it was cool. 

Miriam reads to her cousin Maya.

Jason and his gingerbread house.

Mark barely catches the ball! 

Happy Memories of Christmas 2011

Trial Editing

Aira and Arabella - FCC at FLC

I just realized that images can be changed dramatically with a little editing.  The problem is that I hate reading manuals - I thought it's a waste of time.  But since I know nothing about digital editing, I have to invest some time in understanding the process.   We've had Photoshop Elements for a long time but the only editing I did has been "cropping".  Currently I am trying to understand the effects of changing color saturation and lighting on various images.  

Here are some pictures I edited using the most basic tools.  These pictures were taken on a Sunday afternoon (November 20, 2011)  while I was with Aira and Arabella - both are kids at the Filipino church we attend in Folsom. 

Arabella

Sunset in Folsom

No matter how great a camera is, it will still fall short in capturing the true image of the subject for a number of reasons.  That's why editing is necessary.  :)

Cutest Card of the Year

Handmade card by Maya Musselman - September 2011

 Maya, my niece sent this card to Miriam and Brahms.  I believe that it was intended to give comfort to her cousins who just had their sibling Shannon leave for college. 

I like to keep a record of the early works of the kids whenever I can because they are one of a kind.   Their works give us a glimpse of how their young minds and tiny hands translate thoughts into art and writings. 

Maya - May 2011

 

The Greatest Reward

Today is Mother's Day.  In my family, it is not a celebrated holiday because my husband says that I am not his mother.  That's fine with me.  However, as we were driving back home from church, I asked my kids if they were doing something special for me.  The answer was negative.  My husband came to their rescue and said, no - unless you are willing to go get something from McDonalds.  Well, McDonalds is special in our family because we do not go there on a regular basis.  We eat at the Chinese (Emperor's Garden) or Mexican restaurant (La Fiesta Taqueria) more than we go to McDonalds. Tim and I probably eat more at the Thai Restaurant and the Indian Restaurant (Mylapore) more than we at McDonalds.  It is really special. 

My kids used to do something for me.  They make plans at night, secretly.  They get up early and so I deliberately stay in bed until they come with their creation: a buttered piece of toast with a jar of jam on the side.  They would watch me eat what they prepared for me.  To be able to do something for me made them very happy.  They also made all sorts of projects in school for a Mother's Day present.   I remember when Brahms was in kindergarten - he made a ceramic project. The project was a purple heart-shaped flat ceramic about two and a half inches wide.  In the middle the students were supposed to engrave the word "MOM".   So he carefully wrapped the thing he made and hid it until Mother's Day when he presented it to me.  I opened it and saw this very special gift, on it was the word "WOW".   I was very flattered.  It made me feel very special.  I hugged and thank him for thinking that I am wow.  He said "No, mommy.  The heart  says MOM."  I get it.  I am a wow mom! 

In the car today, Brahms said, Happy Mother's Day, Mommy.  I said thank you.  The greatest present that a mother can have is to see her children grow to be God-loving and people-loving.  That is all I want.  After a stretch of silence - probably contemplation on their part, Brahms spoke again...

Brahms:  "Do you think that you are being rewarded?" 

Me:  "What do you think?  Do you think you are rewarding me?

Brahms:   "The rewarded is the best judge of her reward.  Are you being rewarded by your children?"

Me:  "I think that I am getting the reward that I want from my children.  However, there is a lot of room for doing more."

Shannon:  "So you mean we have not arrived?"

Me:  "No.  You are on the right path but you need to keep on getting better at it.  Loving God and loving others...those are the rewards I want from you."  

Shannon/Brahms/Miriam:  Awwwww!?! 

Indeed, if my kids will grow up fearfully loving God and excelling in unconditionally loving people within their sphere of influence then I will be able to say that I have been generously rewarded as a mother.

Santa Ana

Anguib Beach

November 15, 2010.  The trip to Santa Ana was long... however, I did not notice anybody complain.  The road was bumpy but we made it.  When we got there we saw this beautiful beach.  The sea was blue and calm and the sand was white.  We were the only people there at that time.  Unexploited and undeveloped, this place has a lot of potential.  I am glad that we were able to see the place before it becomes a commercial tourist place. 

 

Crocodile Island: No crocodiles on it.

The Lewises made it to the top of the island.

Shannon shows some of the shells she collected.

He stopped taking pictures to admire the place with his shaded eyes.

The breeze tickled Miriam.

Everyone knew where he was from...

We posed for a souvenir photo. 

Mangoves:  Saline-tolerant shrubs.

With Cheska, Mannix, Beth, and Brian.

Narrow and winding road.

The women are being given a seminar by Auntie Alie.

We were in a beautiful place in the company of close relatives. With us were the following:

Eddie and Nenie Yabis with Mannix

Bong and Miriam Castro with family

Grace Yabis with Kean and Marham

Beth Molina with Cheska and Brian

Joan Galvan with Princess Barbero

Auntie Alie Galvan

Rowena Orteza

Pabling - our driver

********

A Significant Day

Today, Wednesday, October 13th, 2010, 1:05 pm, Shannon passed her driving test.  She was nervous and scared of failing that she was crying as she drove to the DMV office.  But she made it and she's relieved that this is now behind her.

This is a significant day not only because it's the day when she earned her driver's license but this day also marks the beginning of her independence.  I should be happy but I can't do that without feeling sad.  All of a sudden she has the permission to drive without a parent with her.  In fact she drove Miriam to church alone just now.  That is very scary!   Before I know it she'll be living alone in a dorm or some place. We've been preparing her for her independence all these years but it seems like we forgot to prepare ourselves for this. 

Today she also got a very positive letter from the University of California announcing that she has guaranteed admission to the university but not into a specific campus.  I can only pray now that she will get into the one that is closest to us at least for her first year of college.  God help her.   We've done our best to guide her so far...but we always needed God to guide her through the future. 

 As Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean) said This is the day that you will always remember as the day that...Shannon drove alone. 

Ngayon At Kailanman (Now and Forever)

"Ngayon at Kailanman" is a beautiful love song written in Tagalog.  I like the lyrics a lot...it's basically a vow to a loved one.  This is for my dearest husband who is traveling overseas as of today.  Just another way to say "I love you".

Ngayon at Kailanman

by Basil Valdez

 

Ngayon at kailanman (Now and forever)
Sumpa ko’y iibigin ka (My promise is to love you)
Ngayon at kailanman (Now and forever)
Hindi ka na mag-iisa (No more will you be alone)
Ngayon at kailanman (Now and forever)
Sa hirap o ginhawa pa (In hard times or in good times)
Asahan may kasama ka sinta (Expect that you won’t be alone, my love)
Naroroon ako t’wina (I’ll be there always)
Maaasahan mo t’wina (You can count on it always)
Ngayon at kailanman (Now and forever)

Dahil kaya sa ‘yo ng maitadhanang (Is it because I was destined for you)
Ako’y isilang sa mundo (That I was born?)
Upang sa araw-araw ay siyang makapiling mo (So that everyday I can be by your side)
Upang ngayon at kailanman (So that from now an forever)
Ikaw ay mapalingkuran hirang (I can serve you, my love)
Bakit labis kitang mahal (Why do I love you so much)
Pangalawa sa Maykapal (Second to God)
Higit sa ‘king buhay (More than my life)

[refrain]
Sa bawat araw ang pag-ibig ko sa ‘yo liyag (Every day my love for you, sweetheart)
Lalong tumatamis, tumitingkad (Gets sweeter, and stronger )
Bawat kahapon ay daig nitong bawat ngayon (Every yesterday is paled by every now)
Na daig ng bawat bukas (which is paled by every tomorrow)

Malilimot ka lang (Only then will I forget)
Kapag ang araw at bituin ay di na matanaw (When the sun and the stars disappear)
Kapag tumigil ang daigdig at di ‘na gumalaw (When the world stops from moving)
Subalit isang araw pa matapos ang mundo’y nagunaw na (But even a day after the world ends)
Hanggang doon magwawakas pag-ibig kong sadyang wagas (Until then, I will love you with a love so pure)
Ngayon at kailanman (Now and forever)

[repeat refrain]

Labis kitang mahal (ngayon at kailanman) (I love you so much, now and forever)
Langit may kasama ka (ngayon at kailanman) (I’ll be with you in heaven, now and forever)
Ngayon at kailanman (Now and forever)

September

Apples drop from the tree one by one.

September is a special month because it announces the exit of summer and the arrival of fall.  Although the temperatures are still warm the sun comes out later and exits sooner leaving us with longer nights.  Trees begin to look tired.  The once green grass on the hills has retired and now mocks the eye by mimicking the color of dry ground.  Red tomatoes and pepper still decorate the vines but the garden has succombed to the greying effects of mildew.  Apples drop to the ground one by one but those that remain wait for a cool breeze to sharpen their red colors to lure their consumers. 

Tim ushers in another year with a German Chocolate Cake.

Our home is full of fireworks in September.  Every year we celebrate two birthdays.   Tim's was the original reason for September celebration and fifteen years ago he was joined by our son.  Being a C-section baby, Brahms' birth date was planned (he could have been born on Tim's birthday) and we made sure that the dad's birthday was not going to be ignored because of the son's.  So far there has not been any combined birthdays.   

They love each other as well as apple pies. 

In the Philippines there are only two seasons:  the wet and the dry.  However there is an unofficial third season - Christmas season.  Christmas starts in September when Christmas songs begin to fill the air everywhere.  This is one of the traditions that I miss.  Christmases back in my childhood days were full songs and not a lot of things.  One nice new outfit to wear to church on Christmas Day was all I wanted.  Rice cakes (suman, tunubong, patupat) and some pancit are enough to qualify every household to invite passers-by in.  Here and now, I have become accustomed to the American tradition and I like it also. 

Birthday stories are an important part of birthday celebrations in this house.

September has gone.  Today Miriam and I bought two big pumpkins from Raley's.  It's fall. 

August 1, 2010

Sunday Morning (8:00 am)

Family together with me taking the picture.

 

Sunday after church (1:00 pm)

Lunch: Ribs, Greek Orzo Salad, Corn on Cobbs

Croquet

 

Frizbee Golf

Croquet

They are watching me lose.

Dinner:  Shrimp and Bacon Carbonara

If you have a birthday in our family you get to name the menu for the different meals for the whole day.  It is your single chance during the year to have your requests of food granted throughout the day.  Miriam was careful to choose the ones she enjoys eating.   

Carrot Cake with a Birthday song.

There were opening of presents, computer games, videos, stories, devotions, and laughter.  Overall, it was a fun day of celebration. 

She's ten...smarter and more beautiful!  My little baby is growing up...taller and wiser!   My God, thank you for the gift that she is to us.  Continue to mold her to be the person with whom you are pleased.