Commitment etc.

Brahms (April 1, 2011)

Today marks the day when Brahms played bass with the Praise Team at church as Brahms instead of substituting for someone else.  Denise Danberg, the Praise Team director, was telling me that it was his debut - which probably means that his involvement will somewhat appear on the regular schedule.    He played really well and I was very happy for him.  Mother's pride, I guess.  I continually marvel at his willingness to take on more responsibilities; he seems to love being able to do something or help others.  In that - I see his father in him.  However, my poor son took some of my negative genes - at times he gets overwhelmed by the amount of work that he has to do at one time.  When this happens I see myself reflected.  As I have learned over the years, he needs to calm down and list down his tasks bit by bit.  There is a sense of progress derived from knowing that one item is crossed out as opposed to waiting for the whole project to be done.  It's easy for me to say this when I am calm but the idea escapes me when I am stressed.

A week ago during the Robotics competition he was assigned to make the video for his team, "Circuit Breakers".  He planned his time well but as they say, the worst always happens at the worst time.   He planned to spend Thursday night to finish the video to be ready for the next day.  But then at four in the afternoon of that Thursday, one of his teammates calls him to say that the video was due that day at 6 pm.  So now he had to work on it in super high-speed.  That would not have been so bad if the computer was working.  The computer was not cooperating and usually when we have technical problems in the family, we have Tim to help us.  This time he was on his way home from a business trip from Seattle.  At this point Brahms was stressing like Armageddon was coming in the next thirty minutes.  Whatever we (Shannon, Miriam and I) said added pain to his struggle. All of us kept quiet as we watched him agonize over this deadline.  But his teammates kept calling him to ask about his progress.  He finished the video at 5:50pm but the agony is far from over.  Now he had  to send it to his team who are at that time at UC Davis by email.  His computer wouldn't send it.  At this point his hair looked like Albert Einstein's, he was sweating, and as if he was not breathing anymore.  Had we said anything at that time he would have bursted into tears.  The pain has not spread to us.  Shannon quietly suggested that he used her computer to send the file.  She also suggested copying the file into a USB then copying it into Shannon's.  All these things did not occur to him; hopelessness was the only reality that filled his senses.  Five minutes before six...tick tock tick tock... Then he finds out that he does not have the email address to whom he would send it to.  So he calls his team.  He gets it.  Sends the file...and it was sent. Whew!  Now he is done!  Wait...not quiet.  His teammate calls him and said that he will have to wait to see if they can get it in on time.  He sits, he paces back and forth - not knowing what to do and very worried. 

"Breath now.  You are done!" I said.   "Whatever happens now is not within your control.  You have been stressing your energy out and forgetting to depend on the ONE who can help you." As if he was awakened from a terrible nightmare.  It is hard to let go but when we think that we have done our best, the only thing left is to WAIT.

The good thing about Brahms is that he learns from his mistakes.  He is willing to go back and point out where he blew it.